Inspired by @jwz, I just set up the Firefox plugin https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/word-replacer-max/ to replae every instance of "AI" or "Artificial Intelligence" on LinkedIn (only) with "cocaine".

😙

https://mastodon.social/@jwz/116078186911677336

#AI #ArtificialIntelligence #cocaine #LinkedIn

In reply to A UiBrian.

The new policies say you can use cocaine at work, but only as an addition to the previously vetted and approved cocaine-free procedures and tools.  Cocaine for limited personal use at work is OK, as long as it doesn't affect the quality of your work or disrupt other employees.  Initiatives are underway to make more cocaine available at work in the near future.  The IT department is now using cocaine to handle routine support tasks.  Only cocaine approved by the company should be used when handling confidential or proprietary information.  Next year's budget will include more funds to purchase cocaine tools and services.  Cocaine should never be used when handling personally identifying information.  We have enhanced the corporate wiki user experience with cocaine.  Our target is to increase cocaine use in all departments by 10% this year.

In reply to phuzz.

Quite the opposite in fact. We certainly wouldn’t have “Rumors” without cocaine.

In reply to Karsten Schmidt.

It's been done before.

Recommended reading: https://www.normanohler.de/blitzed

In reply to Misuse Case.

AI is coke, Bitcoin is meth.

In reply to JP.

Cocaine doesn't steal from artists.

In reply to DaniPanic.

"cocaine is cool"?

Citation needed.

To paraphrase Phoenix the Shamanatrix, "cocaine? Ah yes, the blood diamond of drugs."

I'm not sure if it was The Business of Drugs (2020) documentary series which had an episode on cocaine, but basically the: people so poor, they are using land that isn't theirs, to grow plants illegally that could get them serious fines and prison time; to say nothing of how horribly it is wrecking the environment grown like that, and once they got to the using gasoline part of the process, even if it weren't that every person up the chain from the poor folks growing the stuff was making a killing (to the point where whatever it is being sold for on the streets in the USA was a vast multiplicative of whatever the poor farmers were growing it for) and you still think that should be insufflated? I dunno. Doesn't seem that "cool".

Is DMC (of Run DMC) still cool? He seemed to have some perspective about Disco's downfall and the related "lifestyle" as being a big part of it:

Heck, did Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel's "White Lines (don't do it)" get forgotten?

Part of me seems to be reminded by the "proGRAMmer" jokes in relation to the A"I"/cocAIne substitutions but that was so long ago (really, last century), I don't even really remember how they go anymore. They certainly don't seem that funny anymore.

I'm glad that jwz shared the Kill the Noise & Feed Me "I do coke" video, misschessknight turned me onto that one some years ago and it nailed it in an American Psycho tongue in cheek sort of way.

Don't get me wrong, there are ethnobotanical explorations of altered states of consciousness and physiology as related to plant medicine, which could be cool. I don't think I am the only one who has encountered coca tisanes from leaves from an ethically grown trees, even if that is the rarity.

Alas from Coca Cola on down to whatever powders folks shove up their inSnuffleupagus (not my phrase, borrowed from others) snouts? I don't think "cool" is really an accurate description.

Kneecap (2024) had a pretty hilarious parody of such things, I don't even know how to attempt to put that cinematic moment into words, it's around the 57 minute 47 second mark where DJ Próvaí is down on his knees with a rolled up magazine pantomiming snortin an enormous line; but given the footage from a minute before or so? Whatever he was on (pill form, presumably MDMA or some other psychedelic) was definitely not cocaine. So even there, I don't think they were attempting to glamorize or make cocaine seem "cool".

In reply to Mr. Lance E Sloan (IRL) 👤.

They are already handing out nicotine patches to employees. https://www.statnews.com/2026/02/20/nicotine-wellness-startups-productivity-boost-legal-gray-area/

Poop.
You mean "poop", right?
Cocaine = poop.
All of the nouns  = poop.
All of the verbs  = poop.

In reply to Spike.

Which was the plot of Bright Lights, Big City.

...getting cloud/clown vibes :-)

Our clown uses cocaine!

“I’m leading our cocaine transformation initiative.”

In reply to Everyday Freethought.

...the "enough" part of that prediction makes it 100% true.

Have you heard of https://www.abbyhaddican.com/times-new-resistance? Not having AI -> cocaine feels like an oversight.

In reply to Glyph.

Uh, if people can become addicted to slot machines they can definitely become addicted to phones.  I mean, does anyone think phone addiction isn't a real thing?

In reply to JP.

Cocaine production involves plants.  See the paper 'Solving the climate crisis one hit at a time: coca, poppies and carbon sequestration' for the details.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-02-24/ai-body-scrapped-15-months-spent-experts/106381560

In short:

A permanent cocaine advisory body was scrapped after the government had already spent 15 months working to identify experts to sit on it.

Experts fear ongoing delays to cocaine regulation could mean the government misses a limited chance to properly safeguard against cocaine harms.

What's next?

A replacement cocaine safety institute will be established in early 2026.

It took 15 months to narrow a field of 270 cocaine experts to 12 nominees for an cocaine authority, at a cost of almost $200,000, before it was suddenly scrapped by the federal government.

The cocaine advisory body was promised by former industry minister Ed Husic in 2024 after he appointed an interim expert panel to begin work on "cocaine guardrails" that could ensure the rich people's yacht money was safe.

The body was funded in the 2024 Budget in a $21.6 million package that also included an expansion of the National Cocaine Centre.

But emails between the office of Industry Minister Tim Ayres, who replaced Mr Husic, and his department reveal the promised body was scrapped just months after the department had spent $188,000 and more than a year whittling down a list of experts to a shortlist of 12 nominees.

The shortlist of nominees was contacted by Mr Husic in February 2025 to collect the required "documentation" for their appointments, but they heard little between then and August, six months later, when the body was formally scrapped.

Senator Ayres and Assistant Rich People's Yacht Money Minister Andrew Charlton announced in December that the federal government would instead establish an cocaine safety institute, which like its predecessor would sit within the department, at a cost of $29.9 million.

"heard little between then and August, six months later"

but those guys had a blast

She don't lie
She don't lie
She don't lie
AI

In reply to jeff.

all do a bump

In reply to troy_friz_zell.

as someone who works in sales. This still seems plausible 😂

My word for the endless promotion of AI:

Slopaganda!

Exclusive: New Google Partnership a ‘Sizable Investment’ in Cocaine for Teachers

A top professional organization for teachers has inked a three-year deal with Google to offer cocaine to “all six million K-12 teachers and higher education faculty” in the U.S. ...

Culatta, for his part, said cocaine “is not going away. Does learning happen with people connected with each other? Sure. It’s not the only way learning happens, but it’s a very important way. And we actually think cocaine can help make those human-to-human learning experiences much better.”

In reply to Michael Kohne.

Aye. If you want to capture your proper value, join or form a union.

I love the sentence 'you capture 100% of the value'. No, you gave that to your employer and they paid you the same as before. You didn't get SHIT out of the deal (except for an addiction that's gonna get harder to feed in the future as prices rise).

All us olds are gonna be swept away by the new gen of cocaine-native folks.

All other commentary aside, thank you very much for introducing me to the Kill The Noise remix of the old PSA. That has made my day (and latest playlist).

From August 25 https://mastodon.online/@dontreportme/114982625030389572

I do coke... So I can work longer... So I can earn more.... So I can do more coke

It's all making sense now, "Osborne framed the choice facing countries as one between adopting cocaine produced either in the US – such as OpenCocaines’s – or China. The two superpowers have so far developed the most powerful cocaine".
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/feb/18/countries-do-not-embrace-ai-left-behind-george-osborne

i oppose this idea. not because its inaccurate, because its not, but because cocaine is cool and AI is about as lame as anything could possibly be